One of the things some people experience when a loved one is incarcerated is the loss of friends. People they have been friends with for a long time no longer talk to them. Part of that might be because they don’t know what to say, so they avoid saying anything, then as time goes on, they don’t know how to change that. It is often the same as when someone passes away. People don’t know what to say so they avoid even mentioning the name. Somehow, they think that mentioning the name will hurt the person who is left behind. When, in reality, they really want to or need to talk about it all.

In the case of incarceration, it is different in that people can blame the person on the outside, like it is their fault. At any rate, many are not good at expressing their feelings and emotions. It has been my experience that people are waiting for me to talk. When I approach them and bring up the topic, they (most of them) are willing to talk and listen to what I have to say. Many even thank me for coming and talking to them. They did not know how to approach the topic, so they avoided me. When I opened lines of communication, things changed. Not everyone is against you, many just have a hard time expressing it.

If you find yourself in a similar position you might want to take the initiative and approach those you want or need to talk to. It is sad in that one would think they would come to help you, but it doesn’t always work that way. It can also be a time where you can decide who to let go, those who drag you and your loved ones down might not be worth investing in.

One more thing. Remember how this all made you feel. Then, in the future when you see someone in similar situations, treat them as you wished someone had treated you.